6 Responses

  1. M-The first one especially is magical! Fun to see what you have been up to lately. with warmth, Lisa

  2. Hi Lisa! I know it’s been a really long time. I’ve not been myself for quite a long time and would say I still haven’t gotten back to my center. I just can’t find words to write here in the blog. Every time I try I am reminded of last winter and everything goes still inside me, even today. In the past whenever I broke up with someone of course I would be hurt, but I still always had this sense of belonging to myself; an ability to bounce back easily and not lose sight of my own spirit. This time it is different. I lost something, badly. I have a strong feeling that my wishes and needs are irrelevant, that perhaps I can’t even trust those I love, that maybe all these years I’ve been deluding myself about what I should be doing and how I should share my love with those closest to me. For the first time in my life I am fiercely protective of this trust and will no longer let anyone in easily or make much effort to get close to others. I am trying hard not to be resentful towards women, but everyday little things make me furious, and the disillusionment is painful. I don’t want to be hurt again and it is stifling who I really am. Often I ponder nasty things I could say to Y., ways to hurt her back or make her pay for what she did to me. Of course I would never do such things, but the rage is sitting there, just out of reach, always ready to come out. This is so not me; I have never been someone to hold grudges or to spend much time being vengeful. But then, no one, and I mean no one has ever treated me so badly before, and never have I treated someone so badly, either. Sigh… it takes time, and that is what I am trying to do, to let time heal the wounds and in the meantime do those things which make me happy, that don’t require a lot of thought or words, and that will help to center me again.

    I will be visiting Vancouver in August. If there is a chance I might try to get down to Seattle. I’d love to see you and Josh if you guys are available.

  3. Miguel,

    “Don’t get mad, get Glad!” and put all that unnecessary small-stuff that’s making you sweat so much out on the curb and let the crows have at it. I would like to see pictures of that, too! :-)

  4. Dearest Miguel,
    I’m so sad to hear of your struggles, I have had a small glimpse of it though earlier posts but I had no idea of all that you have been wroking through. I’m very sorry about it. Hopefully forgiveness will find you and help ease all your pain. It is an amazing balm that brings peace if we let it. Sometimes it’s so hard to let go but even though what she did was not right and very insensitive. But in the end carrying it around hurts you so much more than it does her, which I worry about.
    When exactly are you in Vancouver? Of course we would love to host you here butI’d consider driving up to Vancouver if you can’t make it down to see us. But it depends on timing as we do a few things scheduled. Would love to see you!
    big hugs, Lisa

  5. What very beautiful pictures of Japan! I simply love the ones of the knots in rope and the open room with benches. Now that I’ve left Japan I find that it hasn’t left me; these pictures bring nostalgia up so strongly that I know that part of me is still there, if that makes sense. It’s as if there is a Japanese side of me that will always long for home. I’m not expressing this very well. I wonder if you can imagine what I mean?

    Thank you for magical pictures.

    :)

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